Random Poem

A bounty of goodness follows a well behaved lad! This is true,
but for the nay sayers, a torrent of bad luck follows
for they no not to be of good faith
and with that comes bad behavior

bad behavior on a fellow of good standing
all be-it the same for one of stank nature

lock and load your pistols for deeds of fortune
pass the cup to your bretheren
share a bite with the ones in need
a blessed soul is one who hugs
and is hugged by all

Reflection and Possibility

To know is to understand, not to be aware, but to really, truly be conscious of what is presented to you. Tough tomes come to all. In different forms they crash down on ever present souls. These souls lose sight of what it is that they were set out to do in this world in the first place. A nice pressed shirt suddenly soiled and tossed into the flailing quagmire of the spin cycle and instantly despondent and confused. I wake in the morning and watch the news, I see it all around me. It dampens my heart and clouds my mind and my senses. It is powerful, this mess is a torrent of strength that wants to destroy us, break us down and make us wallow in fear. But we must not fear, we need to hold our ground, stand tall and when in doubt be of service. Smile and have a good attitude and I promise you that no matter how bad things get, they can not break your spirit. You are the only one that can control the outcome of your day. Wow, I just looked up at the tv screen and am watching a little girl that just had six of her organs removed and she is goofely smiling and making faces into the camera, see there you go! As I was saying.....
So just a little ditty for yah, please the mind with good thoughts, warm the heart with acts of kindness and reach out and touch somebody with good energy, its gonna be alright!

Leggo my ego

As a cook getting his come up ins in the San Francisco food scene, emboldened by his ability to dart and move like a ballerina on speed, with the fervor of a buddhist monk knowing that all he is doing is for the greater good, this kid was blessed.Blessed with what all those that got into the business wished they had, had from the beginning, the natural ability to move. Cook yes, but move. Move as if there was nothing physical or mental stopping him, nor getting in his way. Gracefully spreading ten plates at a time without a clang or clatter, let alone a chipped plate. So good this kid thought he was that he even came up with his own quote that he held to his heart and said every morning, or afternoon really, before he went to work. “Focus, apt mind and a calm soul are the foundations for wisdom , knowledge and success.”
When one can experience this they will know it, and they will realize that next to skiing off a cliff at 30 miles an hour and landing perfectly smooth and poised there is no better feeling, nothing like it. Nothing like pulling off 300 covers with speed and grace. When your boss comes around the line and says to you, “like poetry in motion man, like poetry in motion!” You know that what you are doing is something special. Enter the problem with this “THE EGO!” No not Eggo, as in Eggo my leggo! Or is it Leggo my eggo! Anyway, where was I. Oh yeah I was on the verge of taking you on an ethereal adventure through the bowels of my experience in the self deluding world of rock and roll-dum that can be the restaurant business.
Inspired by the soulful stories of cooks of years gone by, a nostalgic journey began, in search of the soul of cooking. This young man thought of nothing more than to be the cleanest cook out there. Clean mentally and physically. Not only his physical body but that of his environment, in the kitchen and out. As I said, this kid fashioned himself as something of a monk on the line. With sharpness and virility on his side.
Really this was for merely the first few of years as a constant, after that it was a spotty mess of rebounds from embarresment and lack of self confidence aided by his new found mental freedom he obtained through drugs and alcohol. But that we will get to later. (more to come)

What was I thinking

Hey,
Well I've managed to get worse today than I was yesterday. I am going to go do a few things, namely Leanna Browns sink
and possibly Joes phone line, depends on how weak and sweaty I get doing that one! I am not rushing out the door however. It is supposed to snow the rest of the week with only a slight break today for a few hours. I have postponed the 4r on lot 13 until after christmas, I had it set up for yesterday and apparentely Jeff can't approve truss calcs and Jim is out of town(whatever!) Anyway, I am going to clear some lung butter and get to it. Geeze, the president elect can't even vacation in peace, on the Today show they are interviewing the gardener where he is staying on his vacation in Hawaii. " Ges, he nod at me on his way to wash his balls in the bird bath, can choo beleb it!"
So while I'm here, the latest is that "anyone who compares this economic crisis we are in with the great depression is insane." Well being as I was not a thought in my grandfathers mind yet, I wouldn't know, but it seems to me that the only reason that we are not that far down is because technology and the advancement of our overall society has created more jobs and opportunities than were available back then. Back then when the latest advancements were based around what we would consider today to be flinston-esc technology. Although its not to say that we are now in a quagmire of possible destruction due to our ever processing minds. Anyway, what do you think? This is part of an e-mail I sent my boss by the way.

where lies sanctity

I have lost a space, an embodiment of energy that sometimes might be called an introspective field of confidence. It is more than that though, it is an actual physical feeling or force if you will between humans. A feeling of being around others and just wanting to scoop them up and feed them your positive energy, where you can actually feel it escaping your body and going into theres. Where is it now, I don't know. For this is not a sexual thing, but rather a love thing coming from the soul. However it has been known to aide in the sex thing, not intentionally, but being one of an intense sexual nature I never used to complain. Anybody out there know what i am talking about. Sometimes I think to myself that because I was so insecure and in a constant state of identity crisis when in junior and high school, as it was easier to mimic one of my friends rather be myself, I finally discovered that who i really was, was actually looked up to by many people. Oh shit I am a god! Totally confused, I than began to see myself as sitting on a high horse all the while trying to pretend to be humble. This of course led to a snyde attitude and poor treatment of my peirs in the kitchen that I felt did not belong in a professional kitchen. Instead of teaching them, I made a faint attempt to show them how to do it and if they couldn;t get it the first time , they were out, or back to the pantry. My point is that over the years the "human element" as qouted from the tv commercial has been lost with me. Any responses or thoughts out there?

Giants are all around us

Living amongst giants, to me something that has been a reality for a long time, but only recently has it come to light. This being because of the fact that I have had my head in the clouds for the past ten or twelve years, so self consumed that I haven’t even recognized that indeed I am living amongst giants. I sat at the table yesterday with my grandfather(once an opening principal and later Assistant Superintendent of Santa Cruz Schools) and the love of his life, one Thelma Dalmen, a true hero in the gastronomic realm of social reform and lobbyist for health in our public schools lunch programs. She began as the Head of Food services in Santa Cruz County Schools, lobbying in Washington D.C. for healthy changes and the introduction of tofu into the schools lunch program. Sighting that it was so much healthier and less fattening , indeed it was versatile and very handy at soaking up sauces and carrying flavor. She fought and fought but unfortunately to her dismay, the bill that she was proposing had a nasty attachment to it, given by the writer for that particular lobby, along with her tofu was attached that a cold nutrition less lump of relish and ketchup sitting atop a dry hamburger and lifeless bun would fulfill the daily requirements for consumption by the young students. This was a huge disappointment and actually knowing well that this was ridiculous had to vote against her own bill,. Her laborious pursuits and constant involvement in hospitality and services eventually evoked a new idea and that idea in her own thoughts , “Why not bring hot meals to the disabled and elderly who cannot feed themselves and are not able to leave the house?, we will do it right out of the schools kitchens!” Thus the forerunner to Meals on Wheels was born. My Grandmother, as I call her now, did not receive much credit for her accomplishments, the accolades would go to some guy who came into the much needed program six years into it. “Oh well she said, I received some award, I can’t remember what it was now.” I couldn’t believe it, I have been cooking professionally for some twelve years and have always done functions for Meals on Wheels through the establishments I worked for, and here I was sitting with the person that dreamed up the idea, proposed it, developed it and saw it through!, In that moment I was living amongst a giant!
My Grandfather, Bob Soderholm, whom I mentioned before is the father of my father, a legend and giant himself. My pop, was a policeman. For 30 some odd years he served and protected the people of first Auburn and than Santa Cruz and ultimately Santa Clara where he did his ten year fighting the socially inept and wayward souls of the criminal element, as well(the worst part) those passionate lovers, whose quarrels would stagger even the bravest of men. You know the wife chasing the husband around with the carving set on Thanksgiving Day, those lovers.
All this I have written leads me to this, we all wish and strive to live and work in sanity. Surrounded by people of like minds that talk to each other pleasantly, feed each other, are not weird about closeness and are unafraid of change, even if it is not to their advantage. How is it that we pass each day, self reflection, consuming almost every thought and yet we walk through life almost completely without regard of our fellows. This is a sure sign of a world that lacks conscious. I mean, you would think that we are or should be trying to be better people, if we are reflecting on the fact that we treat other people poorly, wouldn’t we want to change that?
I am sure of it, that between my father the public servant, my mother the strong yet warm soul that has held us all together through thick and thin, my brother doing science for the greater good(a molecular biologist), my grandfather a blessed soul who at 90 years only complains of losing his eye sight(he is an intellectual who loves to read, not being able to bothers him) my grandmother the activist and lobbyist and all the other pleasant and selfless souls around me, absolutely positive, that I truly am living amongst giants.
.

don't drink

Emerging from the depths of pain, ignorance and pale emotions, this mans heart remained stoic, chissled from stone and beating only to maintain blood flow in his rigid body. Hurt and utter disappointment was all he knew. He had for seen his future, bleakness on the horizon, a bowl of dry and blackened rose petals.
Stone cold, a man eating beast of burden awoke to the smell of stale cigarettes and the feel of stained and ruffled sheets. She was living in a realm of musty odors, filtered sunlight and dirty, cold hardwood floors. A splash of cold water to the face would relieve the matastasizing throb under her icy blue eyes. Whiskey, a wretched stench at ten o'clock in the morning emerged out of stale mouth and cracked lips which were hidden by blood red lipstick.
They met under circumstances that could only unite the type of baggage that one carries for an around the world trip to oblivion. Both of them hardened, sad and disappointed as to what their lives had amounted to, the first glimpses of eachother were merely recognition of the others outward expression voicing that they were done. Done, done chasing an uncontrollable beast, done repeating insanity(doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results) over and over again. Done making excuses for years of borrowed time and less than extraordinary choices, the adjoining of both energies surmounted to a crossing of paths at a meeting for recovery.
After six months of bumping shoulders and witnessing change and re-birth of electrical energy in each other, the two spoke to one another. Exchange of words was limited and soft. Humble in nature , neither one was yet an embodiment of confidance.
Coffee and shared plumes of cigarette smoke would bring these healing souls together. Scar tissue would be indefinite, but over time would fade, exposiing flush, healthy skin, warm smiles and a hint of tranquility. Joy would come regardless on an individual levelfor each knew they could not rely on the other for protection from the dark alleys that were their own minds. Co-dependancy could not salvage their dampened souls, only a personal relationship with God could do this. None the less, souls will unite and that they did.
Choices are made, sexual energy grows and emotions play out like a risky game of poker set against a noisy house of confusion.
As the stability of sobriety came to pass, comfort now reigned as did complacency and a lapse of reason that was a constant. Emotions flooded these two just as did the putrid toxins that once were packed in their vanes.
As the tide commenced, the sun set and the moon rose, the time that passed assured ill fate to a once blossoming romance.
Bargaining, denial and the baggage they once individually carried now shared the same overhead compartment. Personal demons spilled over into jealousy, resentment and insecurity. Ties that once binded were now broken, liquid hell would initiate their downward spiral once again.
This is the fate one assuredly chooses when romance and all that comes with it takes prescedance over our personal growth in sobriety. Time and time again this has proven itself to be true, and yet the persistance continues as we detach our hearts from our minds.