Giants are all around us

Living amongst giants, to me something that has been a reality for a long time, but only recently has it come to light. This being because of the fact that I have had my head in the clouds for the past ten or twelve years, so self consumed that I haven’t even recognized that indeed I am living amongst giants. I sat at the table yesterday with my grandfather(once an opening principal and later Assistant Superintendent of Santa Cruz Schools) and the love of his life, one Thelma Dalmen, a true hero in the gastronomic realm of social reform and lobbyist for health in our public schools lunch programs. She began as the Head of Food services in Santa Cruz County Schools, lobbying in Washington D.C. for healthy changes and the introduction of tofu into the schools lunch program. Sighting that it was so much healthier and less fattening , indeed it was versatile and very handy at soaking up sauces and carrying flavor. She fought and fought but unfortunately to her dismay, the bill that she was proposing had a nasty attachment to it, given by the writer for that particular lobby, along with her tofu was attached that a cold nutrition less lump of relish and ketchup sitting atop a dry hamburger and lifeless bun would fulfill the daily requirements for consumption by the young students. This was a huge disappointment and actually knowing well that this was ridiculous had to vote against her own bill,. Her laborious pursuits and constant involvement in hospitality and services eventually evoked a new idea and that idea in her own thoughts , “Why not bring hot meals to the disabled and elderly who cannot feed themselves and are not able to leave the house?, we will do it right out of the schools kitchens!” Thus the forerunner to Meals on Wheels was born. My Grandmother, as I call her now, did not receive much credit for her accomplishments, the accolades would go to some guy who came into the much needed program six years into it. “Oh well she said, I received some award, I can’t remember what it was now.” I couldn’t believe it, I have been cooking professionally for some twelve years and have always done functions for Meals on Wheels through the establishments I worked for, and here I was sitting with the person that dreamed up the idea, proposed it, developed it and saw it through!, In that moment I was living amongst a giant!
My Grandfather, Bob Soderholm, whom I mentioned before is the father of my father, a legend and giant himself. My pop, was a policeman. For 30 some odd years he served and protected the people of first Auburn and than Santa Cruz and ultimately Santa Clara where he did his ten year fighting the socially inept and wayward souls of the criminal element, as well(the worst part) those passionate lovers, whose quarrels would stagger even the bravest of men. You know the wife chasing the husband around with the carving set on Thanksgiving Day, those lovers.
All this I have written leads me to this, we all wish and strive to live and work in sanity. Surrounded by people of like minds that talk to each other pleasantly, feed each other, are not weird about closeness and are unafraid of change, even if it is not to their advantage. How is it that we pass each day, self reflection, consuming almost every thought and yet we walk through life almost completely without regard of our fellows. This is a sure sign of a world that lacks conscious. I mean, you would think that we are or should be trying to be better people, if we are reflecting on the fact that we treat other people poorly, wouldn’t we want to change that?
I am sure of it, that between my father the public servant, my mother the strong yet warm soul that has held us all together through thick and thin, my brother doing science for the greater good(a molecular biologist), my grandfather a blessed soul who at 90 years only complains of losing his eye sight(he is an intellectual who loves to read, not being able to bothers him) my grandmother the activist and lobbyist and all the other pleasant and selfless souls around me, absolutely positive, that I truly am living amongst giants.
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don't drink

Emerging from the depths of pain, ignorance and pale emotions, this mans heart remained stoic, chissled from stone and beating only to maintain blood flow in his rigid body. Hurt and utter disappointment was all he knew. He had for seen his future, bleakness on the horizon, a bowl of dry and blackened rose petals.
Stone cold, a man eating beast of burden awoke to the smell of stale cigarettes and the feel of stained and ruffled sheets. She was living in a realm of musty odors, filtered sunlight and dirty, cold hardwood floors. A splash of cold water to the face would relieve the matastasizing throb under her icy blue eyes. Whiskey, a wretched stench at ten o'clock in the morning emerged out of stale mouth and cracked lips which were hidden by blood red lipstick.
They met under circumstances that could only unite the type of baggage that one carries for an around the world trip to oblivion. Both of them hardened, sad and disappointed as to what their lives had amounted to, the first glimpses of eachother were merely recognition of the others outward expression voicing that they were done. Done, done chasing an uncontrollable beast, done repeating insanity(doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results) over and over again. Done making excuses for years of borrowed time and less than extraordinary choices, the adjoining of both energies surmounted to a crossing of paths at a meeting for recovery.
After six months of bumping shoulders and witnessing change and re-birth of electrical energy in each other, the two spoke to one another. Exchange of words was limited and soft. Humble in nature , neither one was yet an embodiment of confidance.
Coffee and shared plumes of cigarette smoke would bring these healing souls together. Scar tissue would be indefinite, but over time would fade, exposiing flush, healthy skin, warm smiles and a hint of tranquility. Joy would come regardless on an individual levelfor each knew they could not rely on the other for protection from the dark alleys that were their own minds. Co-dependancy could not salvage their dampened souls, only a personal relationship with God could do this. None the less, souls will unite and that they did.
Choices are made, sexual energy grows and emotions play out like a risky game of poker set against a noisy house of confusion.
As the stability of sobriety came to pass, comfort now reigned as did complacency and a lapse of reason that was a constant. Emotions flooded these two just as did the putrid toxins that once were packed in their vanes.
As the tide commenced, the sun set and the moon rose, the time that passed assured ill fate to a once blossoming romance.
Bargaining, denial and the baggage they once individually carried now shared the same overhead compartment. Personal demons spilled over into jealousy, resentment and insecurity. Ties that once binded were now broken, liquid hell would initiate their downward spiral once again.
This is the fate one assuredly chooses when romance and all that comes with it takes prescedance over our personal growth in sobriety. Time and time again this has proven itself to be true, and yet the persistance continues as we detach our hearts from our minds.