where lies sanctity

I have lost a space, an embodiment of energy that sometimes might be called an introspective field of confidence. It is more than that though, it is an actual physical feeling or force if you will between humans. A feeling of being around others and just wanting to scoop them up and feed them your positive energy, where you can actually feel it escaping your body and going into theres. Where is it now, I don't know. For this is not a sexual thing, but rather a love thing coming from the soul. However it has been known to aide in the sex thing, not intentionally, but being one of an intense sexual nature I never used to complain. Anybody out there know what i am talking about. Sometimes I think to myself that because I was so insecure and in a constant state of identity crisis when in junior and high school, as it was easier to mimic one of my friends rather be myself, I finally discovered that who i really was, was actually looked up to by many people. Oh shit I am a god! Totally confused, I than began to see myself as sitting on a high horse all the while trying to pretend to be humble. This of course led to a snyde attitude and poor treatment of my peirs in the kitchen that I felt did not belong in a professional kitchen. Instead of teaching them, I made a faint attempt to show them how to do it and if they couldn;t get it the first time , they were out, or back to the pantry. My point is that over the years the "human element" as qouted from the tv commercial has been lost with me. Any responses or thoughts out there?